and I’ll wear it on the back of my Buddha uniform.
MS: OK, more importantly, who’s the next one?
B: Like I’d tell you. I can share this: His name will be Maitreya, and he’ll appear after Shakyamuni’s teachings have disappeared from the world.
MS: Yeah, that helps. Listen, I hope you’re not offended by this, but I keep reading about how you were competent in martial arts and hiked for miles each day. So how come you were, ya know, so fat?
B: Yes, you are mistaking me for someone else.
MS: The jolly, laughing Buddha with the potbelly. That’s not you?
B: I’m afraid you are describing a character called Hotei, usually seen in China. He is a representation of an obese, medieval Chinese monk. I was quite fit.
MS: Really? Well, can you clear up any other misconceptions about yourself?
B: My eyes were blue, I had fine, curly hair — yes, hair — and rather than being the chowhound you may have imagined, I was indifferent to hunger, environmental conditions, and all bodily appetites.
MS: So, no Pringles, then?
B: No, thank you.
MS: And if I rub your belly?
B: Our interview will cease.
MS: There are a lot of “nightstand Buddhists” — freelance Buddhists looking for a quick fix. Some inner peace. Is that cool with you?
B: There are only two mistakes one can make along the road to truth: not going all the way, and not starting.
MS: You really are the real deal.
B: Remember: Health is the greatest gift, contentment the greatest wealth, faithfulness the best