never heard a shot and didn’t care at that point. I was gone. I ran through the thick timber as fast as my Nikes could go, heedlessly pushing low limbs and bushes out of my way. My skin was becoming laced with small nicks and scratches. The lacerations were not my primary concern. I’d already created being shot at once. I wasn’t about to slow down and allow another opportunity for my inner coach to motivate me with a second round of bullets.
I ran through the woodland, stumbling and bleeding, all the way back to the ashram—just in time for the afternoon satsang! Entering the building, I collapsed in the back of the room, secure and peaceful for the first time since early that morning. I’d have to explain all the cuts, but I was safe from the materializations of my mind.
My suppressed fears have manifested physically before, but not in such a dramatic and extreme way as they did this bright summer morning.
Needless to say, I received a lot of value from the meditation session that afternoon. I saw how scared my ego was of its own death. My mind and its rigidly structured world were being severely shaken and threatened by Muktananda. The wily Indian was inviting me to surrender my ego control, and allow God and my inner coach to direct my life. I saw that after the Friday evening satsang, I became afraid the raw force of my lifetime of repressed emotions would explode from within and kill me. I also realized I was afraid of the freedom and personal power waiting for me on the other side of resolving my emotions. Unconsciously, I held the belief that if I owned and shared my true wisdom and strength out in the world, I’d be killed. The fear of my suppressed emotions and the fear of