Question by 123456: hes leaving for the army.. PLZ help. im heartbroken.?
So we met for the very first time on June 19th. I am 17 and he is 18. It truly was like love at first sight. We met at a hotel he was living in. His roommate was talking to my best friend. That’s how we met. We saw each other and we instantly connected. Before I left he walked me to my car and kissed me before getting my number and started calling me several times a day. We hung out again a few days later and I stayed the night with him at the hotel. We had the most magical night you can imagine. We did nothing sexual, only kissed. Call me crazy, but I fell in love. We connected so much when he was kissing me that I teared up every time he stopped to look at me. There was just so much passion, like we knew each other in a past life. We were so connected. Like our souls had finally bonded after searching for each other after all our lives. I felt true happiness. I felt love. I stayed the night 2 more times and finally he revealed to me that he is leaving for the Army on August 11th. He said he didn’t tell me bc even though he had just met me he didn’t want to lose me. By the 27th he officially asked me to be his girlfriend. After that I had him meet my parents. He loves loves loves my family. I like his family too. Everything was so perfect. We felt like we had found our soulmates. The day before yesterday he stayed the night. He slept on the couch and I was in my room. We decided to not have sex until he leaves. And neither of us has ever waited that long. But we both are happy to and we want it to be special. Anyway, we hung out all day the next day. We didn’t have anywhere to go since neither of us had money and we wanted to be alone and not at my house, so we went to an outdoor mall and spent the rest of the day there. He had been in a bad, depressed mood the last few days, and I wanted to help him but he kept telling me he was fine. I knew he wasn’t. Finally we sat down after having tons of fun seeing who can keep sour candy in their mouth longer. At first he just said he was bored, and felt stranded. He explained it wasn’t bc of me, that he just feels like this in general. He said he just doesn’t know what he wants (in general). It was all really painful seeing him like this. He started talking about how overwhelmed he is. He said there is so much happening and so much change coming in his life that he doesn’t know what to make of it. That he wants to feel free. He said I wasn’t smothering him or tying him down or anything, but he said having the label of boyfriend and girlfriend is making him feel overwhelmed. I felt so sorry for him, I could just see his pain. He said he wants to break up, but he doesn’t want a single thing to change. Just the label. I knew he meant that and everything would be okay but it still hurt regardless . It still hurts. He also said he still sees me and him being together for the rest of our lives and he still means all the things he’s ever said to me. He wants me to see him off when he leaves and he wants me to be at his graduation and write him letters every day. He also said he thinks I’m the one but he wants to put that to the test by not “being with me”. I can understand I guess that he is going through a lot right now. Really all I want is for him to have peace in his mind. He said he doesn’t want to lose me or see me with other guys. And he said he knows I will always be here to support him. And I will. Oh he also said he doesn’t want me to stop calling him 3 times in a row until he answers, and he wants me to not change a thing. When he said its not you its me, he really meant it. I just am so so hurt. Bc he only has a month until he leaves and I feel like every second we are wasting time. Its awful. I miss him so much already that idk how I will cope with him being gone. I just wish I could have met him sooner. But it only makes sense that our notebook/dear john perfect love story will turn into a tragedy. Just like in those movies. I am so lost, so hurt, so confused. So concerned about him. What should I do? Do you think we can make it through this? Advice would be great! My goal is to be officially back together before he leaves. But if its better for him then I will go through the hurt. THANKS SO MUCH I know this is long.
Best answer:
Answer by lconnor65
New love can be exciting and get you all caught up in a whirlwind. However with him leaving unless he is guard or reserves you won’t see much of him at all.
Long distance relationships can work but it takes a lot of commitment from both people involved.
I would suggest trying to at least stay friends and be supportive. He is going to be going through a lot.
I really doubt your relationship would make it. You both are young and even though you think it is true love it sounds more like infatuation.
What do you think? Answer below!
I agree with the first answer. True love isnt like in the movies, like you say. What you are feeling is an infantuation caught up in the idea of falling in love and finding your soulmate, while he goes and joins the army. You both are.
but its okay, I was 17 too once. and “in love”. I was actually in a situation very similar to yours when I joined about 2 years ago. I came back from training, visted home for 2 weeks, we went through our “honeymoon” stage, and then i left again. All this talk about soulmates and stuff, me and her had that same exact discussion. believe it or not, you are not one in a million. but something happened. we grew up. we still kept in touch, talked to eachother every day and stuff. but reality finally hit us. We werent going to get married. I wasnt going to come back from the army and sweep her off her feet, and I wasnt going to be the knight in shining armor. We matured, learned the difference between actual love and fairy tales, and still today remain very close, but we both moved on with our lives. She eventually got over me, and now found another guy who is able to be there with her. I’m still looking, its hard to find decent women while in the Army. They are all either whores or golddiggers, or both.
Add on: The guy below me, 11bangbang, really nails it. hes right.
Too long, wall of text, didn’t read. Try again with paragraphs, or some kind of executive summary at the top.
Okaaaaaaaaaay, allow me to be the first to burst your bubble. What you’re feeling is not love but INFATUATION, which is a form of love I suppose. Teenagers go through these phases of “puppy love” if you will, and it is the most intense feelings you will ever feel, guaranteed. People have killed themselves in these stages of emotional bliss. Remember Romeo and Juliet? That isn’t too far off from the truth. Its almost like being high 24/7.However, as your body develops a tolerance for the hormones, you will hit sort of a lull where the other person is no longer exciting to be with. Its not your fault its simply science. Why do you think highschoolers go through 50 “the ones” by time they graduate? Because after 6 months or so the endorphins no longer take effect……until you meet the “REAL ONE” you’re suppose to be with lol, and the process starts ALL over again. Don’t worry though, the older you get the fewer hormones your body produces and the clearer you will see other guys. Until finally, one day, you WILL meet the one you’re suppose to be with but by then you will have had your heart broken so many times you won’t have much left for him, if any. Cheerio.
What you feel is LUST not love sorry to say, and by him telling you he doesn’t want labels its him realizing that hey I dont even know this girl and things are moving way to fast, give it time and see if it works out