Question by Jalapeno: How do I end sexual despair?
I love my lady to pieces, though she is much older than I am. But we somehow hit a sexual dry-spell about a year ago, and things have spiralled downward ever since.
It started with my not being able to acheive/maintain erection, to the point where I avoided sex; it became more of a source of pain, than pleasure.
Of course, she decided that I didn’t find her attractive, which is completely untrue. She also concluded that I was being selfish regarding sex, which I don’t disagree with.
After much agonizing, I finally found out that my testosterone count was lower than an 80 year-old man’s. So I’ve begun treatment to aid with that.
But to shock-and-horror, I’m now afflicted with crippling premature ejaculation… “slightest-touch” sortof thing. I havn’t been masturbating, because I (and she) feel that would be unfaithful to her.
What I can’t seem to get her to believe is that despite my physical reaction, hitting orgasm makes me want to cry, now. I hate it.
Any thoughts?
I am in my late twenties, and she is in her late fourties.
I do have a fair number of medical worries; on Ritalin for adult ADD, been on different anti-depressants for several years, lost 80 pounds in the past year (not so much a worry, per se… but I’m sure it affects things).
My main problem is, how do I get back into sex? She’s convinced that it’s not going to get better, and I DO want to please her, regardless of my own concerns… everytime I try to make romantic overtures, her attitude is along the lines of : “You want sex? *sigh* Ok, let’s get it over with.”
Any move I make comes across (to her) as a blatent attempt to appease myself.
Hence the no masturbating: I tried it for a while to increase longevity, but she took the attitude that I was being selfish, and just getting myself off and not her.
I feel like it’s the chicken and the egg; she’s the love of my life, and I don’t know how to get close to her so that she KNOWS I want to give to her.
Best answer:
Answer by Adam N
Well if sex is still pleasurable for you then maintain the treatment. if it’s not then you need to talk to your doctor.
Next you need to talk to your girl and realize that masturbating isn’t being unfaithful to her. I have sex with my girl at least 3 times a week and I still master my domain almost every day.
I think if you did masturbate you would desensitise your self a little and be able to last longer.
What do you think? Answer below!
The only person who can help you and your wife ,is a doctor.You didn’t mention your age but I’m guessing in the mid forty’s,that happens to many men in that age.Talk to your wife calmly and let her know you love her and want everything to be perfect again,but don’t give up,keep trying,good luck.
Grab her by the hair, slap her butt, and tell her that she will do things your way. She will like that. She will make all your dreams come true at that point, which will make your erection come back. Then bang her brains out. Problem solved.
After reading this:
“You want sex? *sigh* Ok, let’s get it over with.”
You need to dump that broad and move on to someone that actually cares about you. Late 40’s? And you are in your late 20’s? Dude the problem isn’t you, it’s your woman, move on.
And you might want to consider some natural supplements to handle your ADD and depression, as natural medicine wont make a bologna out of your pony, catch my drift?
so what is your main problem?the premature ejaculation?and how old are you?have you consulted a doctor, a urologist perhaps?you see, there are factors that may affect your sexual drives…one could be in a form of stress, how stressful is your work?and other factors like smoking, drinking can affect it.
Check it out buddy, if you don’t find a way to pleasure her, SOMEONE WILL. Trust me, she fantasizes about guys she sees that look like they could put it on her pretty good if YOU’RE not doing the job. You better get to lickin lickety split! Ladies love oral pleasure, in the mean time try Viagra and talk to your doctor more about your problem, but dont let your partner wait for sexual pleasure too long, pretty soon she’ll find it somewhere else, she’s only human. HURRY!
wow .. maybe you could take her along on your next doctors appointment and together along with the doctor come up with a plan… or could also see how she feels about a vibrator.. i am 42 and my bf is 30 when we first got together he was going through depression and could not even rise to the occasion so to speak … just talk about it and see if there is anything you can do instead.. oral or masturbate her.. i used to get on my man and just rub him to give him pleasure
try just romancing her again..like when you first were getting to know each other…may do the trick..its wonderful to be desired and wanted and cherished…may lead you two back for whence you came..oh and BTW…good going on knowing that being with an older woman can be a very good thing