Luckily the crew sported bulletproof armour and iron red noses to deflect much of the fire. The only exception to the dress code was that mooning ponce, (the “real”) Zonar. His head blew apart into a thousand pieces as he was adjusting his cape. After five minutes and many casualties, the ammunition of both sides had run out. A hundred men were left on each side to battle each other with pieces of bone from some massive animal they had found strewn about the set. When no one was looking, J stabbed Ensign Tamagotchi in the back of the head and kicked his dying body. He then slashed away at the faces of the enemy; nose cartilage and skull flying in all directions. One Grongorgan was jumping happily on the corpse of one of J’s men. This enraged J even more, causing more seams in his outfit to burst. He fiercely head-butted one of the cute things and wrenched its arm off. The sound of screaming and twisted sinew echoed into the evening. He stomped on the face of one of them until the brain matter was lubricating the chunky sole of his boot. He slashed away at necks and created fountains of gore, elements of which he licked off his face. He reached into their chests and pulled out their hearts, holding them aloft as an offering to the gods. He broke their legs and let them crawl away for a little bit before beating their heads with an ancient femur. J saw Jemima bite one of their noses off and spit it out with great pleasure. The battle had rapidly become a massacre. J noticed this as there were few Grongorgans left alive. He was wrenching the little teeth out of one of their mouths as it pleaded in broken mercy. As things settled down, they rounded up the surviving Grongorgans and tied them – blindfolded – to giant tibias embedded in the