ship with anticipation and a titanium will. Eventually the front doors of the ship opened, making one of the pipe cleaners fall off. An army of cute, furry, and short anime characters emerged with their pointy ears and big, emotive eyes. They were individually coloured pink, yellow, and powder blue. They giggled and waved. Some closed their eyes and giggled with their paws over their mouths.
“Googabootchi!” greeted a number of them.
“Oh, for fuck’s sake,” said J, a little deflated.
“Just say the word, Captain,” said Tamagotchi.
“Well at least they’re not Zygons,” said J, “they creep the fuck out of me.”
“Same here,” said Ensign Hot Karl.
“Me want huggie!” said one of the Grongorgans as it hopped up and down.
“This is fucked,” said J, “these things are, like, cutie… jumpy… fluffy… Jappy… stupid… things.”
Suddenly all of the Grongorgans’ eyes turned red and the barrels of machine guns sprung out of their palms.
“All your base are belong to us!” said the Grongorgans in unison as they mowed down twenty of the crew with machine gun fire.
“Ooh shit!” yelped J.
“Just say the word,” encouraged Tamagotchi.
“FORWARD!” commanded J.
As the ranks of the crew thrust about him, J added: “Oh and uh… take your phasers off ‘stun,’ okay? Yep? Got that? Okay?”
And thus begun the bloody clash between the humans and the Grongorgans on the planet Batharrrrr. The battle raged under a technicolour sunset dotted with cotton wool clouds. ‘Another Body Murdered’ rang enthusiastically in J’s head as he shot one Grongorgan after another.