however, we will be disappointed and experience rejection and hurt when love does not go our way. These feelings click into our deepest wounds and lead to defensiveness and conflict – the opposite of love in any form.
To avoid this, we must be clear on what ‘love’ means to us, because when we know what we want there is less room for misunderstanding. We must also be willing to explore and release our feelings of rejection if and when they arise. By doing so, we free ourselves from hurt so that in future – and in Rumi’s words – we “Do not revisit the past” because “This fleeting moment must not be wasted”.
HOW CAN WE BE MORE LOVING?
Intimate relationships are our universities of the heart. In them we will find challenges and blessings, ecstasy and sorrows, and come to realise that our lovers are our mirrors and we are reflected in their eyes. If there is conflict in our relationships it is because we ourselves are in conflict; if there is joy and fulfilment it is because we have found peace within ourselves.
Love seeks balance, stability, and a subtle deepening. For it to evolve in a positive way, it is not necessary, therefore, to force things in our relationships or to worry that we are not doing enough or being as loving as we could; it is only necessary, as a first step, to Do No Harm. This is the first principle of love and Rumi urges us to use it to find our equilibrium:
If you are like the wind: sometimes hot, sometimes cold,
Find the place within you where heat and cold are no more
Then love can evolve naturally towards its perfection.
In Sufi tradition, life is a mystery and we cannot