Read my ‘short’ story and tell me what you think please! Rate on scale of 1-10, 10 being best. =)?

Question by rajah dat: Read my ‘short’ story and tell me what you think please! Rate on scale of 1-10, 10 being best. =)?
The Sick and the Cursed

Oh how Death tortures the living! Never had I the health to leave my house. Pathetic! Incessantly plagued with these wretched infirmities, I am buried in gloom. I wallow within the walls of my new Wahiawa home in ardent meditation or in blatant delirium. My maladies forced vigor to forsake me. I’m a small child whose skeleton is almost as visible as my sickly yellow skin, covered in bursting boils, whose eyes’ have not whites but reds surrounded by dark hollow crevices, few brownish black teeth between two thin white lips, almost no hair on my head and a perpetually hunched posture. Death have you not the decency to take me now? Blasted Death! It even taunts me with the vigor of others. I look out my window, cursing my lovely peers who have charmed a dozen hearts. They will never know true isolation, true loneliness.
Why does Death deny me? Intense and abnormal meditation was Death’s answer for not taking me from misery. Through such meditation and mental stimulation, I have derived the powers of the supernatural yet all the while, stay in my horrible physical condition.
“What a gift!” Death will chime. I vehemently disagreed. I would gladly step away from the supernatural realm if it meant I could frolic around daisies and speak to the people without glares of disgust.
Yet, such mental activity allowed me singular abilities that many say the devil possesses…or could possess the devil. Death allowed me metaphysical powers of the most morbid and unnatural but even unexplainable mental powers would not grant vigor and health to me. My mother would not allow me outside or to open a window.They always mentioned the cruelty of the world, how they were my only friends and they were protecting me. Full heartedly, I naively believed them…until I read about Claude Frollo. My parents have hidden me from the world since birth, fearful of the obvious evil I possess but still nourished me to keep me from Hades. Ha!
I sarcastically think, “What saints! You keep this alive and suffering but continue leaving a weak child in isolation. Imbeciles.”
“We shall live as missionaries, dear Elizabeth. That’s why we came to these islands afterall. We spread the joy of the word. You understand. Your sickness pains us but we must go. We’ve hired a caregiver.”
Tearfully, they waved good-bye and never returned.
“ Blast them! But who could my nurse be?” I ask myself.
My caretaker walked in with greatest of ease, elegant strides and unparalleled beauty. She had long dark lustrous hair, porcelain skin, twinkling bright eyes and a calm expression with the presence of youthful vigor. How sickening! This is fate’s joke. I’m trapped in illness while before me is the kind of life I covet: the smiling carefree demeanor of true youth, the ability to embrace the warmth of the sun and the sovereignty of no infirmities. Fine! Whatever destiny’s wish, I will let it be. I never cared for those characteristics anyway. Hmmppp. Although I despised her at first, I accepted her care and began to grow fond of her company.
“Come outside Rebecca. Enjoy the world with me. We’ll go to our town’s Garden.”
This dazzled my mind! My parents never took me outside. Skeptical about her intentions, I finally succumbed to her wishes and allowed her to take me to the garden. I grew apprehensive about how the outside would be. Cold? Fiery? And then at last I have felt the outside air. I looked around the world and fell in love with the grace of flora. I never thought to look at them when I was in seclusion.With a startled and ardent gaze, I embraced the euphoria of the color green! Oh yes green! What a beautiful color. It is the color of paradise and my only happiness. She brusquely stopped my wheel chair and stood in silence; she was alert and stern. Before I could complete my reverie, she pulled me back towards the house and said,
“ You will rest now Elizabeth.”
Noo! My heart crunched and shot through my eyes. Frustration and anger consumed me. Incredibly perplexed by her decision to take me home, I still fronted a placid demeanor. Why now when I am beginning to understand jubilance? Why now when I have happiness? She betrayed me! A trance fell upon my mind, repeating the words another day outside.
“Another day outside. Another day outside.”
My, how magnificent the breezed swayed the luscious green leaves. My heart sank and my eyes welled up. She took away my only happiness. She took away my only love! Can she not see the melancholy on my face? She’s wretched, despicable and evil! Something must be done. On impulse my eyes full of malice looked out my window and the answer to her behavior was on my porch! A handsome tall young man, with a calm smile, and a gentleman’s demeanor held the hands of that wretched woman.
“Did you steal the deed to the house when I took the child to the garden?”
“Of course, my dear. Will the child…be gone soon?”
“It’s only a matter of time. What a nasty thing to look at! She’s such a pathe
In response to Cherry: I did not use the thesaurus but this is not my normal vocabulary. I wish it was! Prior to writing this, I had a several large vocab tests which allowed me to use a much larger array of words than I normally could. Sooner or later, I’ll probably forget many of the words I don’t normally use but I’m glad that it helped me out with my short story. Thank you so much for your response! I REALLY appreciate it. =)
By the way cherry, when you say jumbled, do you mean that it’s kind of hard to follow at times. In some places, it doesn’t really make sense? Just trying to clarify. =) If that’s the case, my brother agrees with you. x-P

Best answer:

Answer by Magdalene
Scale of 1 to 10:

2,187,533. Definitely.

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