Getting the Gift from Your Pain

Arielle’s Bridesmaid’s dress from the bridal store; they were closed on Sunday, so there was no way to pick up the dress. My heart nearly stopped. Athena began to cry. Arielle looked at me with those sad eyes that said, “How could you forget about me?” I had been to that bridal store twice that week. Athena and all her other bridesmaids had been there on Saturday picking up their dresses; all had theirs, except Arielle. Now, to say that I felt guilty, horrified and upset was an understatement. To forget Arielle and to leave her out was exactly the opposite of what I had consciously been trying to do for her. Arielle had moved away from home at 18, and we had experienced four years of struggle in our relationship that was just coming to some renewal. Now, to forget her, leave her out, or have her stand out as “not-a-part-of” was unthinkable.

Before going to bed, I sat with the distraught bride-to-be and said to her, “Honey, we will not accept this as it is. There is nothing about this that we will accept. Let’s go to the END IN MIND and see Arielle standing with the wedding party with the dress on. Let’s see it DONE. I don’t know how but I know that the whole universe is working together for this and we will accept it done.” We did an affirmative prayer and went to bed, but I COULD NOT SLEEP. I tossed and turned and kept thinking, what is the thought form around this experience? What is this pain I’m feeling? What am I telling myself that is creating this pain? This time it was clear: it was a belief in separation, about being different from the rest, not fitting in. In the middle of the night, I got up and went outside and sat under the bright and nearly full moon. I began to pray, I began to cry, and I knew that there

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