Question by oOMissMoonOo: Is it ok to want to have ROUGH sex with a guy you love? And how do you let him know?
Ok, here’s the deal… Sex with my boyfriend is AMAZING. Every time we make love, it’s just magical. However… I’ve never, EVER been dominated by a guy. And it’s kinda a fantasy of mine. Not one that I’ve told him bout, but since day one I’ve been dying for him to make the first move. He won’t, mainly because he’s shy in that way.
Anyways, I just need to know… GUYS: If you were a shy guy, but still had the nerve to say “I love you” first to a girl and ask her to move in with you, how would YOU want her to bring up the topic of sexual fantasies? Would you be turned on if she told you to just hold her down and kiss her, or pull her hair when she was giving you a BJ or if she talked dirty to you, would you take it as a green light or get scared?
Girls: Does anyone else have this problem where there are times you just WANT it hard and dirty and you want to be someone’s dirty girl and be ordered around? Is it strange to get turned on when your boyfriend calls you “bad”?
Best answer:
Answer by p_o_k_e_y54
dirty sex is the best sex. dont be afraid to ask for it. if your worried then ease in to it. when your doing it tell him to do it harder then next time tell him to pull your hair then next time tell him to spank you then next time (if you want it this rough) tell him to slap you. just ease in to it. i dont see why it would bother him. he will most likely enjoy it as much as you.
Know better? Leave your own answer in the comments!
Nothing wrong with wanting things to be rough every once in a while… Just tell him that the sex you’re currently having is amazing, but tell him that if he ever wants to try something new, you would love it if he did (fill in the blank)… See what he says.
I once had a girl who said “give me 8 inches and make me bleed”. So I did her twice and punched her in the face.
Does that count?
First off, I’ve known more than one girl that’s enjoyed this. While I’ve always been the one to initiate, I doubt think your boyfriend is going to have a problem if you ask him. He might want to know if you’ve tried this with anyone else, and whether this means you’re not satisfied with what has been going on sexually up to this point – and you need to reassure him so he’s not hurt in some way – just be prepared to answer a few questions.
Second, as to how to do it, just bring it up whenever you two are talking about sex or anything intimate – don’t drop hints and hope he gets the message. Mention that you’ve thought of him doing things to you and that this really excites you. I doubt he’ll have a problem with that. If he’s not immediately receptive to it give him a little space and time so he can warm up to it. Also, if he isn’t immediately on board with it, you might want to tell him of only a few things you’re interested in – dumping everything on him all at once might overwhelm him, you have to play it by ear in this regard and see how he reacts to what you first tell him. But, honestly, I can’t imagine a guy not being interested in trying something like this when it turns his girl on.
Third, as to the part directed to the girls, its been my experience that quite a few girls enjoy it rough. Its not weird or unusual. A lot of girls like to be called quite a few things worse than “bad”. So don’t think twice about it.
What are sexual fantasies?
Fantasies are daydreams. Imaginary visions. Whimsical speculations. Wishful thinking. Everybody fantasises at some level. If you’ve ever imagined what you’d do if you won the lottery, you’ve used fantasy.
Fantasy is a fundamental part of human nature. We see active imagination as healthy in children (watch them playing and you’ll see them lost in a world of their own) but something adults should grow out of. Most people never do, however. Even if we manage to suppress our imagination during the day, all those unconscious passions emerge while we’re sleeping.
Understanding fantasies
There’s a huge range of personal taste in sexual fantasy, just as there is in everything else. But many people feel uncomfortable with their own fantasies, fearing they’re somehow weird if they’re turned on by things that are unacceptable to others.
Sexual fantasies may express an aspect of our unconscious mind. For example, fantasies about being submissive or passive may be linked to a desire to experience high sexual arousal without personal responsibility.
But fantasies are simply somewhere we can act out things we might never do in real life, such as having sex in a public place or with a particular person. And sometimes they turn us on precisely because they’re not real.
Fantasising about other people
Some people worry that fantasising about someone other than their partner is an act of betrayal, revealing either a desire to be unfaithful or that they are longer turned on by their partner alone.
In fact, this is very rarely the case. Evidence suggests that those who fantasise the most are in happy, loving, trusting relationships. It’s in this kind of context that the mind explores places the body has no intention of visiting.
The benefits of fantasy
Sex generally starts in the brain. So an active imagination can mean you’re ready for sex before anything physical has happened. Therefore, desire is heightened and arousal is much quicker.
Some people find an active fantasy life can add novelty to a long-standing sexual relationship. This can be particularly helpful if your partner is not as sexually adventurous as you are.
But conversely, if you find it embarrassing to experiment in bed, fantasy offers an opportunity to give your imagination free rein and to play out roles. It can be used as a practice arena where you can build confidence before embarking on something new.
In psychosexual therapy, fantasy is often used to block out negative thoughts. If you find during sexual encounters your mind wanders to unhelpful images or thoughts, fantasy can help you to refocus on your sexual pleasure.
Learning to fantasise
If you don’t find sexual fantasy comes easily, you can learn. Erotica can help; try exploring bookshops for erotic books and art. There’s also a wealth of magazines available to suit any taste. And your local video store will stock a range of films, from romantic and slapstick to thrillers and more explicit 18-rated movies.
Find out what turns you on. Then with the help of relaxation techniques, lie back and allow your mind to build your personal favourite.
The most common male fantasies include:
having sex with an existing partner
giving and receiving oral sex
having sex with more than one person
being dominant
being passive and submissive
reliving a previous experience
watching others make love
trying new sexual positions
The most common female fantasies include:
having sex with an existing partner
giving and receiving oral sex
having sex with a new partner
romantic or exotic locations
doing something forbidden
being submissive
reliving a previous experience
being found irresistible
trying new sexual positions
Caution about sharing fantasies
Although some couples find that sharing and acting out their fantasies has increased trust and intimacy, others have not.
Fantasies are extremely personal. There are risks involved in disclosing them, especially to someone you care for. Consider how you’ll manage if they don’t like your fantasy or if you try acting it out and it just doesn’t work.
Sharing fantasies can be liberating, but it’s risky. Talk to your partner first about the general theme, then approach with caution.
another one
COMMUNICATE YOUR FANTASIES
Many women think about their sex life in the right direction and in the right proportion, but find themselves completely at a loss when it comes to ‘doing’ something about it. “How can my husband and I love each other so much, yet have such a dull and unexciting sex life?” asked a friend who is herself a clinical psychologist. Had she discussed the problem with her husband, a gynaecologist, to whom she has been married for over 11 years? “I seem to be able to talk to him about everything but our sex life,” she said at last. “I don’t know how to tell him what I desire without seeming critical.”
Women of all educational levels and life experiences, voice similar sentiments. Most married people lack basic information about their spouse’s sexual preferences. My own informal survey of 70 wives found a myriad of fantasies they wanted to share with their husbands. But, as one woman told me, “It is difficult to know how to begin.” As a sex therapist, it is my continuous endeavor to make couples talk to each other openly about everything that matters to them. For everyone in a conjugal relationship, and at all the stages of their relationship, “communication” is the life-line.
To revitalise your sexual relationship too, ‘communication’ is critical. It isn’t the amount or quality of sexual relations that makes or breaks marriage, but rather the degree of “fit” between partners’ sexual needs, fantasies and priorities. Such mutuality comes only with communication. Try to define for yourself and your spouse what your complaints and pleasures are. Many people are uncomfortable and shy about making specific requests, but open talk and experimentation are vital. No one can automatically know what pleases another, without adequate feedback. Love does not make one a mind reader, but instead, love is trusting each other enough, to ask openly and answer honestly.
Michael Douglas is a relationship expert and he is the webmaster of http://www.love-lectures.com where he provides free relationship advice and dating tips for couples and singles in building healthy and successful relationships.
By Michael Douglas
YEs there are times where i just wanted to get it hard and on. IT isnt strange to be turned on when he calls you bad i know cause i get turned on aswell.