happens to me when I try to talk to a strange woman? Instantly their eyes get wide, they start smiling, and I see them backing off. Shortly thereafter they’re gone, and I see them later whipping back and forth in front of me chasing after the hunks and studs. They chase after them because they know that they can put them under a spell – charm them with their looks – and make then into beasts of burden at their beck and call. Putting under a spell is ancient terminology for hypnosis. Women won’t get near me with a ten foot pole. They know what I am: a weirdo, a creep, a psycho, a loser. I don’t blame them. I’m a powerful wizard, and if they get around me, I’m going to put them under a spell, and not vice versa. One of the problems I had with women, is that I insist any woman I’m with be also a virgin. I refuse to accept second hand merchandise, used castoffs some other man has pawed over. And virgins are hard to find here in Hell. Just like Jesus, my precious seed packet has gone missing. And precisely because I can’t get laid the regular way (ghosts can’t do it), when I do get my rocks off, it’s the shot heard round the world – heard not with your ears but inside your head – mass psychosis. As Led Zepplin sang, ‘your head is humming, and it won’t go!’ . Baby, you stuck up you pretty little nose at me and wouldn’t give me any pussy! You’re going down! (pointing my thumbs down) I’m going to take my revenge on you, little miss pretty! And don’t dare think you’re going to give me some pussy now that you see me! It’s too late, baby. You’re going down, little miss pussycat! For what you did to me, I’ll have no women around me at all.
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