Question by Myth Magic: Am I Good Enough To Become A Writer?
Ok. I really want to become a writer and Im going to write off the top of my head and I want to know wat u think.
I was so scared now. I didn’t know what to do anymore. “Ok, listen. I’ve made up my mind.” I turned to look at him. “Ok, Clair. I want you to know that I will always be with you, I will always be thinking of you, and you will never be alone. I want you to understand that, some things might be hard.” I stared into his warm chocolate brown eyes with tears in mine. “Why are you saying these things? Stop! You’re making it sound like I’m never going to see you again… Like if you’re going to…” I burst into tears. He came up to me and curled up around me on the floor of the woods. “Hey…” he cooed. I threw myself around his warm body and clutched his fur tight in my hand and buried my face in his fur, crying. “Clair, you have to understand that… that it might happen. But, I don’t want it to happen to YOU. That’s why I’m doing this.” “But I rather me than you.” I sobbed. “I already lost someone I loved. I don’t wanna lose another. Please don’t let me lose another.” He nuzzled my head. “But you will always have the memories. The great memories that we made together. I know that, despite what might happen today, I am very thankful that I got to make an amazing friend like you.” I picked my head up a little until I could see his face. “You know, for a bear, you really seem to understand all this. Especially me.” I said through my tears. “You always know what I’m thinking and what I’m feeling without having to ask me.” “That’s because I got to know you. And I’m very thankful you can understand what I’m saying. And it’s all thanks to that.” he said, pointing to the necklace around me neck with his nose. It’s a special talisman that my friend’s grandfather gave to me. He’s a Native American shaman. He gave me the talisman so I could understand what Kotta was saying. But it only lets me understand bears though. I gently picked up the little carved wooden bear on the necklace and held it in my hand. “We had a lot of amazing memories becouse of this little talisman. I’m thankful Totomah gave it to me.” We both stared at the talisman. Then, we heard a gunshot, and it was near by. “Oh no.” Kotta whispered. We both got up. Kotta was a bit higher than my waist. He was a grizzly bear, after all. “Ok, this is what we’ve been waiting for. Now listen to me, I want you to run into the woods. Don’t care about where you’re going. Just run as fast as you can.” “But-” “Go, now!” I stayed where I was. He sighed and came up to me. He nuzzled my crying face for, possibly, but I’m hoping and praying that it won’t be, the last time. “Please,” he begged in a pained face, “Please, just run. I’m begging you, run.” I nodded with tears streaming down my cheeks non-stop. I ran as I heard Kotta roaring and more gunshots. I thought of turning back, but I kept running. I ran past the river. I ran around the gyser fields. Leaving behind the bear I came to know and love . . . behind. Possibly . . . to die. I stopped running when I reached a lake. I looked into the water. Tears streamed down my face again. I tore the talisman off my neck and threw it into the water. “KOTTA!!!!” I screamed to the sky in agony with bullet sized tears rolling down my cheeks. I fel on my knees and clutched my heart with both hands. “Please,” I whispered to myself in pain, “don’t die. I need you.”
Best answer:
Answer by Erica
If you write, you are a writer.
What do you think? Answer below!
Um… I don’t know. I mean, your not bad, but it could be a smidge better.
Something i saw was that you repeat a lot. (EXAMPLE: “….his fur tight in my hand and buried my face in his fur….” You could have said: “…His fur tight in my hand, and buried my face into that soft silk, that i loved so much…” ) <-- Example 1 of many. ;(( And when you said "'Please,' he begged in a pained face..." You could have said: "'Please,' he begged in a pained voice..."
Currently, no you’re not, but I’m sure you’ll learn. At present, your writing is very immature. There’s way too much telling, instead of showing, the reader in this extract – clunky exposition.
It’s also very melodramatic and cheesy – the dialogue is all very soap-operaish and unrealistic and screaming to the sky in agony and bullet-sized tears are far too over the top. You need to learn a bit of subtlety and variation in pace and intensity.
Phrases like ‘he begged in a pained face’ don’t even make sense. Did you mean ‘voice’ instead of ‘face’? Moreover, you’ve repeated a lot of words, and your sentence structures are pretty wooden.
That said, there’s some promise. My advice is read more, and read quality, and take an evening class in fiction writing, either now or when you’re a bit older. Bear in mind that a writer who has their first novel published at 30 is considered unusually young for a novelist, and this is no accident – most people simply aren’t good enough to write fiction in their teens. It takes time and experience.